whether i’m performing, taking a break, walking between my car and my pitch, setting up or breaking down, certain types of people have a tendency to say whatever stupid thing immediately pops into their heads when they see me. here are a few things i have heard tens of thousands of times and would love to never ever hear again.
looks like you need some sun! you sure could use a tan!
oh my god it’s a ghost! hur hur
i see you breathing! OMG REALLY?! maybe because… i’m alive, and as a result, i need to fill my lungs with fresh air every now and then.
i wonder what she’d do for five/ten/twenty dollars. wink wink nudge nudge! thank you so much for talking about me as if i’m a prostitute. i hope your female companions find your comment as enlightening as i do.
i wonder what she’d do if i stole her tip jar. such intelligence! no one else would ever think to steal a living statue’s tip jar. since i’m a statue, i’m physically incapable of tackling you, slamming your head onto the pavement, and breaking your hands. and none of the other people in my audience would do anything but watch as you ran off with the money for which i have worked so hard. it’s not like i ever have decent people or even friends in my crowd, y’know? you could easily get away with it! great idea.
people give her money for just standing there?! this is usually exclaimed by the kind of person who is endlessly entertained by those cheap plastic toys with flashing lights that are sold from carts on the outskirts of waterfire. i don’t think anything else really needs to be said here.
also, i never want to hear anything to do with lady gaga. i am not lady gaga. i am not the lady gaga statue. i was not inspired to do something “weird” because of lady gaga; i’ve been busking four years longer than she’s been a pop artist. i know it’s news to you, being so sheltered and all, but people were doing “weird” stuff before lady gaga existed.